Matthew Lowe - The Answer To Economic Crisis?

Matthew Lowe is being dubbed 'The Naked Economist", not only for his straight talking attitude but because he is actually allergic to clothes.

This has caused concern with some clothing retailers namely GAP and NEXT who state that sanctions could be placed upon them out of "pure spite".

As well as hoping to save our economy, Matthew Lowe is also fast becoming the poster boy of short people everywhere. He will be the first legally-acknowledged dwarf to be appointed to such a high position in Government.

Matt Lowe says that he is going to lower taxes on horses and eye masks but warns of sharp spikes in the tax on food, clothes, vehicles, water, petrol and other non-essential items. 

With the struggle Matthew Lowe has had it is nice to see that his hard work is finally paying off.

Matthew Lowe - Off the rails?

Matthew Lowe has stashes of Fluff, GUM and FUN - all harmful substances. Below I have broken them down:

Fluff: One of the most dangerous on the streets. Coated with a layer of lacimehcpuedamoxide this drug makes you see trowels everywhere. Although the effects are not seen immediately, in the long term it is debilitating and the government needs to take more action upon users to make sure more people like Matthew Lowe don't get addicted.

GUM: Gerative Umbicus Maladapitve, a terrifying new pill which in Matthew Lowe's words is 'all the rage'. This drug makes you believe you are a member of the opposite sex, Matthew Lowe says that the drug has little effect on him apart from making him feel hyper - he says that he also feels much 'manlier' during use...

The final most devastating drug is FUN, everyone should be banned from having FUN - it is not healthy! The drug is taken by thinking about the small empty sealed bag it comes in - this shows the huge power this drug has. Matthew Lowe says that he loves FUN and has it EVERYDAY!!! The level of addiction is apparent.

Please help Matthew Lowe and comment with your suggestions, Matthew Lowe needs help.

Exam worries? Not for Matthew Lowe!

Matthew Lowe is in fact studying for his ice cream truck license which he said will 'help him bag some cream men!'. He wasn't talking in terms of relationships but instead about the new craze he has sparked. 

The police branded it a new 'kidnap 4 fun game' which threatens to cut the ice cream driver population down to dangerous levels. Government Officials deny their is a problem but this careless attitude toward them is taking it's toll.

Matthew Lowe started the craze by collecting different Ice Cream Men and then trading them for other Ice Cream Men on the White Market (With Sprinkles). He then created an Ice Cream Man hierarchy.

Despite the irreversible damage he has caused, Matthew Lowe continues to flaunt his collection to passers by. 

Please register your concern here.

Matthew Lowe - A new superhero?

Matthew Lowe is set to become the next big thing after his daring tactics saved the lives of three hedgehogs.

Like an eagle scouring the land for prey, Matthew Lowe was scanning the road for signs of danger. Dressed in boxers and jester shoes he leapt in front of a Tesco delivery lorry in order to save a small family of hedgehogs.

Despite suffering sever injuries he says it was worth it...he said he did it for someone special!

Matthew Lowe proclaims idol Martin

Leaked through reliable sources this lunchtime, matt lowe identified Martin his model for success. His recent trip to blacks barber shop, where he had his hair dyed a dirty blond, backs up this recent religious conversion to become a Martinite.

Biggest Dick Of The Year

Matthe Lowe came second in the BDOTY competition, despite not even being called 'Richard'. The winner was Richard 'Dick' Stevenson of Southport who is 6 foot 3 inches tall (from head to toe)

He has also undergone reconstructive surgery for his deflated chest. Update - Doctors confirmed he was in fact of the male gender and so this kind of surgery was not needed. He instead decided to do the surgery himself and now has a lovely pair of melons (literally, he said they looked better than things like oranges and bananas)

Matthew Lowe - Ear Lobe English Record

Matthew Lowe has once again defied all critics and has now won the award of 'Best Ear Lobes'. In secret he has been striving for this award for many months, his daily regime has been a series of stretching techniques involving a small car and a piece of rope. 

His 'lobes' are now up to record breaking standard at a huge 4.36 inches. Matt Lowe said 'It has been small for so long and now I have managed to reach a solid 4 inches. ' Comentators said he was lucky it wasn't cold as cold weather is know to make...ear lobes...slightly smaller.